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so I'm gonna be doing a lot of posts like this:

would y'all prefer that I do one post a day and edit it several times, or several small posts?
So I took a perosnality test no Memorado and it turned out the same as always. No shade there, just facts.
I like their website but my result is unsharable, which is like. whathefuckwhodesignedyourwebsitepleasefinethem.


here it is, copy pasted cause that's what's possible.Collapse )

letter to climb credit, maybe

So I found out recently about the iron yard, which is one of the for-profit 10,000$ or so schools that have popped recently. All the research I've done so far makes me really believe in it, and I really feel drawn to it in a heart-hurt way. (that's a good thing)

The big advantages are that it's /stupidly/ challenging, it's one season, and it includes coursework on how-to-get-a-job. Also they help you get a job. That part is HUGE. They have partners and everything.

I need to do some more research, but yeah. I want this so much.

letter I'm thinking of sending to loan companiesCollapse )

new list, comment to join

I'm going to be writing a lot about my struggles with addiction over the next little bit. Comment here if you want to be able to see it. If I want to add you but I feel shakey, I'll PM you to talk about it.

caffeine, habit, sleep

Also, I had an interview at 930am. Which isn't early for normal people, but is super awful haate early for me. My alarm didn't go off, and I woke up at 910am. Fortunately I was only a little bit late...
...and got invited to training...
...for a job that pays ten dollars an hour. Fuck that shit. What the fuck.

Also I work at the earliest time ever in the morning, and my alarm is eitehr not working, or not waking me up. Eeeeep. *tests now*

Annick and I so close, I love it. I wish I could like. I dunno, not get so fixated on most people? My relationship with Annick developed slowly and naturally over time, and that's what I want my other relationships to be. I feel close than ever.

I hoop every day, or close to it. It is the actual best. It drains my anxiety which is soo important. Contact Juggling used to and stopped. Levi wand did, but it hurt, which is also horrible. Hoop doesn't hurt, and does feel like good exercise, and is the best. So yay.

so tired, should sleep

I should have slept so long ago. I don't even know.
I've been in such a bad headspace. I feel like I'm mostly but not quite coming out of it. Winter is so so hard for me. I know summer will be hard in other ways, but like. That's okay. At least right now. God I'm so over it.

I should go get tested. I don't know my STI status for a million years.

tell me a story? I want to feel connected. I feel so lonely right now.


I need to be around people that aren't constantly bringing me down, either by being upset in a way that I find upsetting, or by saying only mistakes I'm making and not giving me any positive feedback. There are probably others? But those are the main ones.

Mike is the first category: Bad at dealing with it being busy, unwilling to hear other people in a conflict... He doesn't really even hear Kim (the SM), but he still does what she says, so "hear" isn't the right word. It's more like, he says "okay, okay" in a tone that implies "but these things", or at least like he's about to say "but something". When I try to explain the way that a situation went, he doesn't hear me at all.

Kim is just nitpicky and doesn't say positive things. I wonder if I could handle Kim better without Mike? No... I just think I could handle that Starbucks better without Mike.

Monday is so far away.

I miss Atlanta already

As I take the steps
To go out to the Ice
I miss my people already.

I know it's not for months. I know at some level I should remember that it's not guarenteed at all, and that I'm only just barely qualified so I should be wary of attaching to hard to this....

But I felt so overwhelmed all day that it took me forever to even engage with my feels. I talked to Heatherby and I found that really, I miss it here. I'm not even gone yet. I don't even feel settled. I just. Process missing in the future and the past, not so much in the present.

I miss sweat lodges. I miss stone soups. I miss spacey long talks with Heather McCoy. I miss walking in the woods with April, then Taz. I miss finding magic with Belenen. I miss how rude we are to each other as a way of showing love. I miss... my community, my Home.

I want to go Home, even though I'm already home. Like a child that's crying about wanting to go home when they're at their house, but getting ready for the day.
I Am A: Chaotic Good Human Ranger/Wizard (3rd/2nd Level)

Ability Scores:







Chaotic Good A chaotic good character acts as his conscience directs him with little regard for what others expect of him. He makes his own way, but he's kind and benevolent. He believes in goodness and right but has little use for laws and regulations. He hates it when people try to intimidate others and tell them what to do. He follows his own moral compass, which, although good, may not agree with that of society. Chaotic good is the best alignment you can be because it combines a good heart with a free spirit. However, chaotic good can be a dangerous alignment when it disrupts the order of society and punishes those who do well for themselves.

Humans are the most adaptable of the common races. Short generations and a penchant for migration and conquest have made them physically diverse as well. Humans are often unorthodox in their dress, sporting unusual hairstyles, fanciful clothes, tattoos, and the like.

Primary Class:
Rangers are skilled stalkers and hunters who make their home in the woods. Their martial skill is nearly the equal of the fighter, but they lack the latter's dedication to the craft of fighting. Instead, the ranger focuses his skills and training on a specific enemy a type of creature he bears a vengeful grudge against and hunts above all others. Rangers often accept the role of protector, aiding those who live in or travel through the woods. His skills allow him to move quietly and stick to the shadows, especially in natural settings, and he also has special knowledge of certain types of creatures. Finally, an experienced ranger has such a tie to nature that he can actually draw on natural power to cast divine spells, much as a druid does, and like a druid he is often accompanied by animal companions. A ranger's Wisdom score should be high, as this determines the maximum spell level that he can cast.

Secondary Class:
Wizards are arcane spellcasters who depend on intensive study to create their magic. To wizards, magic is not a talent but a difficult, rewarding art. When they are prepared for battle, wizards can use their spells to devastating effect. When caught by surprise, they are vulnerable. The wizard's strength is her spells, everything else is secondary. She learns new spells as she experiments and grows in experience, and she can also learn them from other wizards. In addition, over time a wizard learns to manipulate her spells so they go farther, work better, or are improved in some other way. A wizard can call a familiar- a small, magical, animal companion that serves her. With a high Intelligence, wizards are capable of casting very high levels of spells.

Find out What Kind of Dungeons and Dragons Character Would You Be?, courtesy of Easydamus (e-mail)

mood shift realizations

so I was looking through some old comments etc (actually they're pretty recent) in my entry called uh something something "moving looms". And I realize that when I wrote the entry, it was about how moving was scary and looming over me.
But tonight I thought it meant looms that move.

I don't really know what the point of looms that move would be- I mean, they have lots intrinsic motion. But why would they be designed to easily move from one point to another?

Actually, internet! Why would looms be designed to move from one place to another?